The Birth of EL

Up late…Mind racing..

so i had a conversation today… with someone who doesn’t really know me that well.. 

she knows i’m queer

knows i am in love with my gf

and knows we work for the same company…

i shared something with her that not many people outside of my girlfriend and some extremely close friends know…

and well now the cyber world will know… i’ve considered fully transitioning… but right now i’m looking into it heavily…

i love myself.. but i have a poor self image… i don’t like my body… or the way it looks

now seeing as that i was just in the hospital in late August of 2011 i have had every blood test known to man run on me and was given some very shocking but kinda awesome news…

typically they measure the levels of naturally occurring testosterone in the bio female body on a scale of 5 to 45… ya boi’s results came back as a 69!!!

awesome ass number if i do say so myself… they put me on a medication that was supposed to decrease this… it was supposed to help “regulate my cycle” and “decrease the growth of my facial hair”… not that i ever said my faicial hair was a problem for me…

So its like i feel i have a leg up in this journey already… like… hell i’m naturally producing “too much” of this hormone that i will eventually/possibly have to inject into my body…

why not use what i already have and see if that’s already enough? why not just commit to getting my body the way i want it?

I haven’t found the energy that i need to commit to making my body appear the way i want it to…

i need that spark of inspiration… i need that motivation… i need direction… and i need support…

Disappointed just a tad…

So i got my binders today in the mail and needless to say i was disappointed in the compression tank. I didn’t realize when i ordered it that there would be such a HUGE difference in the fit of the tank model (997) and the muscle shirt model (974). Aside from the differences in the materials i didn’t think it would be that different. Boy was i wrong. The tank is a really thin mesh material but has absolutely NO give to it.. so if you plan on purchasing the tank make sure that you order an accurate size. I ordered a large in both models and was quite shocked that the tank wouldn’t go past my shoulders. 

So if you are looking to order some Underworks I’d advise speaking with someone that already owns the model you are looking for as the sizing is obviously not the same in all models. i posted a picture earlier today of me in the muscle shirt.. i like how it feels on my skin and it moves and stretches. 

I’m gonna attempt to exchange the tank for one of the correct size and i’ll keep you all posted when i get it!